I was unprepared for how emotionally difficult gender reconstruction surgery would be. I knew it would be painful. I knew there would be a lot of work involved. I knew the recovery process would be long. I was not expecting how emotionally isolating it would be, and was also unprepared for how to deal emotionally with complications to surgery that I knew could happen. So difficult to be a transsexual. I tried so hard to avoid it, but it didn’t seem avoidable at all anymore.
Now I’m six years into living my truth, and I guess at least it is just barely livable now, which is something it was not before.
I’ve been thinking I need to go to my first therapist who said I wasn’t really trans and say “look, you were wrong!”. I’m so grateful I’ve had a friend to take me in. Otherwise my difficulties and healing and my loneliness would be completely overbearing.
I suspect the question in the title is a question I should avoid asking. Otherwise, like Job I may be asked to endure further hardships.
Women are so much more powerful than men. We’ve just been trying to think it was otherwise, when in reality there is no humanity without women. Far too often women are changed to be embarrassed by their abilities, in lieu of being proud of their abilities. Women are Badass!
Finally my lifelong vagina envy has been dealt with. While it may never be as perfect as those beautiful girls in Penthouse and on all the p0rn websites, at least this vulva is my own. While my stuff is not as amazingly functional as so many other women’s, I’m sure that there are many other cisgender women with whom I stand upon an equal footing. I believe it will do what I need it to do. It will certainly be much better than going through life as a woman with a penis. While it may work for some people, I found it a horribly ignoble fate.