Into my second month since I last had an orgasm, I cannot believe how horny I am! I really do feel like Liz Taylor; “a cat on a hot tin roof” with a totally gay husband. This pussy is burning up, and no satisfaction may be had. Three months minimum of this? Whoa! I don’t think it’s been that long since I was 13. The difficulties of being newly post-op.

—Valentine Lovecraft

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Moving Forward For Honesty

Moving Forward For Honesty

Wherein I discuss how transgender people are some of the most honest people. We have forgiven societal privilege in order to be authentically ourselves without airs or presumptions to try to fit in.

It can be very difficult to discover your true identity. It can be an even greater obstacle to surmount to live your true identity, and to truly be yourself in all honesty. In this video I ask for some compassion and understanding for those he might meet along the way, who may seem strange to you that are in reality they are living their truth.

Difficult part after hard part, what’s the hardest part?

Difficult part after hard part, what’s the hardest part?

I was unprepared for how emotionally difficult gender reconstruction surgery would be. I knew it would be painful. I knew there would be a lot of work involved. I knew the recovery process would be long. I was not expecting how emotionally isolating it would be, and was also unprepared for how to deal emotionally with complications to surgery that I knew could happen. So difficult to be a transsexual. I tried so hard to avoid it, but it didn’t seem avoidable at all anymore.

Now I’m six years into living my truth, and I guess at least it is just barely livable now, which is something it was not before.

I’ve been thinking I need to go to my first therapist who said I wasn’t really trans and say “look, you were wrong!”. I’m so grateful I’ve had a friend to take me in. Otherwise my difficulties and healing and my loneliness would be completely overbearing.

I suspect the question in the title is a question I should avoid asking. Otherwise, like Job I may be asked to endure further hardships.

Vagina Envy — Check!

Vagina Envy — Check!

goodbye vagina envy

Finally my lifelong vagina envy has been dealt with. While it may never be as perfect as those beautiful girls in Penthouse and on all the p0rn websites, at least this vulva is my own. While my stuff is not as amazingly functional as so many other women’s, I’m sure that there are many other cisgender women with whom I stand upon an equal footing. I believe it will do what I need it to do.  It will certainly be much better than going through life as a woman with a penis. While it may work for some people, I found it a horribly ignoble fate.

What a relief to finally gotten life-saving medical care.

< Sigh >

I love it when people put baby on Board stickers on their cars, so I know which cars to aim for.
Valentine Lovecraft

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Prismatic fixation

Prismatic fixation

She is dressed, seasonably warmly, on this unseasonably warm December 22 day. If she had still been married, today: December 22 would’ve been her tenth anniversary. But that had not come to pass.  Winter solstice was no longer the celebration of love, but now of a love lost.

Brilliant sunshine’s and a crystal blue sky across Santa Barbara, her new home. She found herself quite by accident here, surrounded by the Spanish colonial architecture of her childhood she found new strength and a whole new clarity of vision

When her ex-wife left her for becoming a woman, she had completely lost her footing, offer feet she found her some of exiles to the hinterlands of Virginia. There, in Urbanna, without any help without any belief that life whatever get better, she found herself in a nasty motorcycle accident hit by a careless police officer.

Parking her old Lexus sedan on a side street she walked to her gym. Sweat rose on her arms in the heat of bright sun. Santa Barbara was known for its pleasant weather. Her first winter in Santa Barbara have been high in a 500 year drought, which had all the trees blooming in the middle of December.

She wondered if Santa Barbara could burn through all the evil karma, the way the sun burned through the velvet of her blue dress.  It burned through a divorce from her soulmate, perhaps she was, would, and will be free.